If it weren’t for interracial relationships, John McCain would be President.
Imagine driving across a bridge only to find the construction incomplete. Imagine a large gap splitting the bridge in half preventing anyone from progressing forward. Your only options are staying on your side of the bridge, or falling in the gap.
Millions of Black American women are taking the plunge. They either stick with Black or fall in the gap, and the gap is full of unhappily single ladies. Seventy percent of Black women are unmarried. In a March article in Essencemagazine, three-time Grammy Award-winning artist, Jill Scott wrote about her discreet distaste for interracial dating. She compares a handsome, intelligent and seemingly wealthy Black man married to a White woman, to the sting of a quiet mosquito under a summer dress. Ms. Scott stands firmly in her position that she, and many Black women “wince” at the sight of “one of their own” dating a White woman. She credits her disposition to the African-American slavery story in America.
That’s understandable. It’s important to remember where you came from in order to know where you’re going. But focusing on a negative pain and suffering associated with a historical past will surely prevent progression.
This is my response: Black women, you are beautiful. You are like fine wine–beautiful body, natural tones and a taste that makes the lips jealous of the tongue with a trip to ecstasy that justifies the affair. And like wine, you get better with age. But this is just my excerpt from the dissertation of loving a Black woman; this isn’t every Black man’s experience.
Some Black men believe that dating any race exclusively sets major limitations. Picking a mate is one of the most important decisions any of us will ever make. It’s how our names, family traditions, and culture will continue to exist on this earth long after we are all dead and gone. A Black man dating outside of his race isn’t always credited to self hatred; often it’s not that deep at all. It’s simply about preference. If you find it acceptable to use religion, education, class, and common interests as criteria in deciding whom to date/not date, why can’t race be just one more criterion to the preference?
There also seems to be a double standard. When Reggie Bush, who dated Kim Kardashian, is featured on Black magazine covers, hundreds of thousands of Black women are outraged and boycott the magazine. But when Paula Patton, married to Robin Thicke, is featured in movies, millions of Black women run to the box offices in support. One, a Black man, the other, a Black woman, but both choose to love interracially.
Black women, this is for you: I understand your frustrations. It must be difficult to feel like you’ve arrived but don’t have a strong Black man to come home to. You’ve prepared yourself with degrees, beauty and intellect, but have no one to share it with. Nothing is concrete about love and there’s no easy solution for something so complex. I’m merely facilitating a new conversation for an old topic. But I can say this: You deserve the best and God grants us the desires of our heart. I’ve grown up around Black women all my life and I can’t imagine what it must be like to feel like you’re missing a soul mate. If you feel like there’s a shortage of Black men, then maybe it’s time to try something new. Open yourself up to new environments and new social circles. You never know what God can bring into your life when you’re open. Exude positivity, love and respect for all men, and watch what happens.
It’s odd to be mad at someone you don’t know for dating interracially. She didn’t steal your man. He wasn’t yours to begin with and being Black doesn’t give you entitlement. Stop sucking your teeth, rolling your eyes, and disrespecting the non-Black lady who dates a Black man. It only displays to her that you’re jealous, bitter and shows her that “she won.” None of which is true, but your emotions alter how you are perceived. Your anger needs to be redistributed and recycled. Don’t be mad at the lady of a different background; be frustrated with the current state of Black men as a whole. It’s a shame you don’t have a larger pool of straight, intelligent, attractive and successful gentlemen to date in the first place. The conversation has changed, let’s talk about that.
It’s easy to be frustrated, but challenge yourself to understand our intent. We are motivated by love. When you understand that a Black man dating outside of his race isn’t to spite you, abandon you, or betray you, maybe then will that mosquito bite sting Jill Scott referenced, stop the burning under your summer dress.
Black men, this is for you: Step it up. Human beings aren’t status symbols and trophies are usually plastic. Remove the notion that dating a certain race will contribute to your status. To call Black women loud, obnoxious, superficial and gold-digging is to call your mother the same. We have a responsibility to ourselves and to our culture to love, support and consistently lift Black women up. We need them and they need us. But you don’t have to date one to love one. Dating interracially is a right of yours, but you have no right to disrespect your own race in the process. It’s completely ignorant to generalize all Black women based on some bad experiences. If your preference isn’t Black, you’re entitled to that. The excuse that we can’t find a Black lady on our level is dead. There are 1.8 million more Black women than Black men and certainly more successful Black women than us. Yes, we have a large pool of quality women to select from but don’t allow these staggering statistics dictate how you treat them. Being a player is played and disrespect went out of style with braids. Keep it Bereolaesque.
When we divide our social experiences, we divide our souls. God created us as all as His children. We are the ones who put divisions upon ourselves. There are no pages in The Bible condemning interracial dating, and no statutes in the laws either–it’s all in the mind. Dating is a choice and interracial dating is a part of a natural progression. This is what heaven looks like, ladies and gentlemen. It hurts to fall in the gap so let’s work toward bridging the gap. Forward progression is sexy. Live and let others live. Let’s get into that!
Pleasantries.
He's the only reason I'm still with Twitter, follow him @Bereolaesque
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